My Parentous posts ( feb, march and April)

My latest post  @ parentous  -   "Does time fly as you watch them grow?"

Whenever my son or daughter say they are going to organise their wardrobe, my head goes for a 360 degree spin. Every time they clean it they end up with a pile of good clothes that they have outgrown. Some of which are occasionally used and some are brought a few months back.
Only these days, my head spins very fast. Any guesses why? Read more here.


My March post - The March epidemic
Come March and the place around me looks like it is under curfew. You won’t find most of the regular socializing parents, children playing in the driveways and play area. All get-togethers come to a grinding halt, hurried shopping or mandatory outings only. Read .....


My feb post - Memories to make their hearts smile

This incident happened 10 years back. My 3-year-old son refused to take the medicine (a bitter syrup) that I was holding in my hand. I sweet talked initially and finally when I was about to give up and force it down his throat. More here....

Parentous - an adda for sharing parental experience

How much ever scientifically explained, parenting is still an art that parents have to customize according to the temperament  and needs of their  children. And each child is a rare, unique,  master’s piece. even the child that comes from the same gene pool are different.  

And while parenting such children we encounter lot of experiences enough to author a book.

 Parentous – an initiative by blogadda is one such destination for parents where many of us mom's and dad's  share our experiences. 

I have shared my experiences too.One of my latest post is about bonding with children called “ the magic of bonding”. Would like to have your view/thoughts/ ideas/ experiences.

the second article called " Gifting them precious memories"- my thoughts on  raising a child with our precious presence than  presents.

and third one on "Breakfast - a good investment for growing children". on breakfast being an essential part of children's life. ( actually even an adult's life ). I believe in the adage" Eat breakfast like a king, dinner like a pauper"/

Would appreciate your thoughts, perspective, ideas, comments, experiences.

IIT - Dream of most parents

RAMAIAH, NARAYANA, CHAITANYA, GURU are the chants which play on the lips of parents of high school children in Hyderabad.

No, these are not the names of religious gurus but branded as 'techno schools' which train children rigorously in the name of ‘IIT foundation course” and acclaimed and hailed as the right mentor for IIT- JEE.

These schools look like corporate office with chrome and glass facade, have an a/c atmosphere, work from 7 to 7 and... yes, yes, they deliver otherwise how else would you get to hear on NDTV year after year that 40% of students who crack the IIT entrance exam every year come from Andhra Pradesh.

I remember my neighbor santhosh telling me his daily schedule. He went to a residential techno school 5 years back. His day started at 4, after yoga, they were given milk and they had to study till 9. Then they would have their bath and get ready to classrooms by 10. From 10 – 4 it would be school with an half hour lunch break, after which it would be IIT coaching till 7, after 7 it would be studies till 9. ( no, I am not exaggerating, I am infact playing it down).

No recreation or extra curricular activites, after all they are not here for that you see.

This 'IIT' training starts very early, perhaps ‘Catch them young’ is the mantra for these schools.

Every year during summer, this is an epidemic with most parents (not just urban, even rural uneducated) whose children are in 7th,8th or 9th. They want to enroll their child in the IIT foundation course. Many parents feel, they are missing something by not enrolling their child. Some over enthusiastic parents infact call the educational counselors to enquire if their child who is in class 5 should start the course.

It is all understandable, All concerned parents are worried about their child’s education and IIT being one of the premier institutes of India, it is a dream of most parents to see their child in IIT.

But in their love and affection they fail to see the interest of their children and their childhood. The child may not be technically inclined but he/she would have to join the course due to their parental pressure and their parents social status. For these children if technical skills are one end of the spectrum then soft skills are at an other end.

My husband and his team go to recruit his company’s trainee engineers at various campus interviews .He says all of them are technically strong, but just technical skills will do no more, for client interaction, group discussions, knowledge transfers we need soft skills too’.

Now, with this year there is a new epidemic, immediately after the tenth board exams, the schools have accepted admissions for 11th standard based on the pre-final marks and this summer the schools will work in a/c atmosphere, After all IIT entrance is only two years away, so they are not wasting time and the parents argument is that when you are young, you’ve to work hard and now is the time, so no leisure.

I am not against IIT, but against these training. Infact ,my cousin cracked his IIT with his average intelligence studying in and out of many government village schools ( vernacular medium) and English medium schools( in cities) due to his father’s bank transferable job, with no formal training and lot of self study. Other than him, I have 3 uncles who are from PSBB and IIT (any tamilian would know what I’m saying but for non- tamils PSBB is a most sought after school in Madras some years back). All of them are a part of brain drain.

Let IIT be a part of every parents dream for their child, but let them also enjoy childhood. If they don’t play and enjoy now, when else will they?. IIT is not the only solution for a bright future. There are many more avenues.

But, even I’m scared I may succumb to the pressure of my peers. My daughter is in the tenth with no inclination towards engineering/medicine. She is more interested on the creative side like animation, designing, communication etc.,

With a recent call from the school where she was one of the meritorious students selected to meet the great ‘ IIT guru’ Dr. Chukka Ramaiah, I thought his speech and words would change her mind. But she came back telling ‘I don’t want to be an engineer/doctor.’

Now, I am a parent on the cross roads. Should I enroll her against her wishes or comply with her wishes. Though my husband is clear saying ‘ She’ll decide and we’ll only guide’.

P.S: Please note that everywhere I have used 'most parents' and not 'every parent' this is a generalised post and does not apply to every parent in AP.

Priceless memories - made and some lost

I’m a nostalgic person and so the latest advertisement of LIVE.LOVE.REWIND of Sony camcorder reminded of my days as an young mom 14 years back. Just like the advt, I used to capture those priceless moments - the laughs, gurgles, smiles and cries of my children.

Their first roll on, their first crawl, their first stand up, their first step, first hold on the feeding bottle, their first mottai (tonsure) their prayer time, rhyme time and all the natural camaraderie the two little ones shared, their special moments like birthday, ayush homam, vidyarambham, their bonding with their grandparents, their nursery days, their outings, early school events and beyond( they are still in school) were silently captured by my camcorder and some of them on my still cameras (analog one). Their milestones are also recorded in a scrap book.



The still photos developed into many albums and every event was marked. The videos captured were all copied on an anti-fungal Panasonic VHS-casette ( CD’s were not popular 14 years back) and safely kept (or so I thought) to be cherished later. The photos taken during their pre-school days in my digital camera were all stored on my computer.

Days roll by fast and before I realize my children have grown. Now, These memories link our present with the past. I want them to remember those old times and reminiscence on their infancy and early childhood (they are now at 14 and 11.8).

During holidays, it is our favorite past time to watch all those photo albums. We huddle together and enjoy all their infanthood moments which are carefully captured and preserved in photo albums. I recall to them all the warm memories of their baby hood times which they treasure and enjoy listening. They enjoy this wonderful trip back in time and always ask me gleefully,

“amma, naan chinna kuzhandai ya irukkum bodu enna sonnen?’’ ( Amma, what did I talk when I was a baby?)

All the while, I was aware that my children’s beautiful times of childhood are safe in a VHS casette. Our VCP is not in working condition and is stored in the attic and since they have become obsolete, we never bothered to watch the videos.

I recently decided to burn the VHS cassette into a DVD so that we could sit and watch their childhood videos, but was greatly disappointed when the DVD shop owner told me that the cassette was corrupted and he could not read the cassette. All those priceless moments which were made with love are now lost.

Luckily my daughter’s appearance in the kannada movie ‘ amma ninna tholinalli’ for a song sequence with her little friends when she was 5 years old, her first dance show from her dance academy at town hall,Bangalore (again at the age of 5) which was relayed on TV were all recorded in a separate VHS. These could be burnt, albeit not perfectly.

The photos of my children captured on the digital camera which were stored on my old computer were also lost when my computer crashed.

All the memories which were such an incredible part of our life have been lost. Time does not stand still, my children are growing fast, what will they have to look back on their times spent together and growing days?.

I want them to reminiscence about their past when they grow up.

















Except those photo albums and a few scrap books and yes, I hope this blog survives and in later days this serves to make their hearts smile.

“Life-long blessing for children is to fill them with warm memories of times together. Happy memories become treasures in the heart to pull out on the tough days of adulthood”
Charlotte Davis Kasl

Exam fear/fever

Around me this season, I see most parents of primary school children rushing home early from office or in extreme cases even taking leave. They call all old relatives from their native places to pitch in for help. No weekend outings, cable connection removed, pulling stops over all extracurricular classes for children like music, drawing, table tennis, dance etc. Parents sporting tense looks and avoiding social get-to-gethers, hurried shopping etc. The small play area and driveways where children play are wearing deserted looks.

Any guesses what’s in the air?

Yes, it’s exam time. So the whole family sits and studies with no break/recreation. I admire the way they love and care for their children. But……….

The whole year has been spent without any methodical approach towards the studies. Finally when it is the exam time the family lays extra stress on the child and fixes a target percentage for the child in the exam which instead of helping puts unwanted pressure on the child and they too get pressurized. These stress levels cause mental and memory blocks along with loss of appetite and less energy level. After the exams are over, there is a sigh of relief as though they are back from a victorious war. I was surprised when I was told by my family physician that a 16 year old student was popping pills for Blood pressure.

Why should not everything be normal during exam times too? If one puts continuous and consistent efforts throughout the year, eats wholesome breakfast, goes regularly to school with an alert mind, concentrates in class and comes home to recall all that is done and correlates it with real life and visualize wherever necessary it gets embedded in your memory. It is further strengthened by the child’s homework. But in most cases, during school days parents themselves wake up late, on most days the children even miss their regular school since they had a late night , ( parents could be gold medalists/great scientists but when it comes to teaching , there is no alternative to classroom teaching hence it is very important for children to attend school regularly). No time to prepare/eat breakfast, the child drinks just a glass of milk, has some biscuits/chips with a tetrapak milk for lunch.

How can the mind be alert when your stomach is empty? Result - no concentration in the class and they come back home to have a hurried lunch and hop from one tuition class to another with absolutely no time to play or to pursue a hobby.

Will it not stress the child and in many cases even parents? The very thought of all these triggers the stress hormones.

Thinking skills, analytical skills, general problem solving capacities, decision making – the essential results of a good education come only when the child is independent and starts thinking and working on his own. We as parents and teachers should only offer time, space, nourish, nurture and guide the children. Apart from school where of course the base work is done. Let us encourage children to socialize, discuss among peers and friends so that there is flow of information.

A child learns and discovers better when he goes in search of knowledge. Instead of spoon feeding the child in the name of helping him, he could go in search of information. I feel this would be a better way of learning. I know a parent who does the entire project work for her child while the child is playing happily outside unaware of his school project work. The project is in good shape and he gets an A+ at school. But how much has the child learnt here?

Some parents admit their children in the so called techno schools. Here they coach you to be the future IITians/technocrats/professionals and the training starts as early as 6th standard. These techno schools have no playground they look like corporate offices (from outside) and offer no extracurricular activities. They lay more emphasis on finishing the syllabi within the stipulated time, memorizing rather than understanding concepts. Perhaps, that is why the tension because while you memorize your train of thoughts gets derailed when you forget even one word. If they have not cracked IIT prelims after all these training, The students behave as though they have lost everything in life at the age of 16/17. The situation would be pathetic, if they did not have sympathetic and loving parents.

Let us accept our children as they are. Let all the creative juices flow during exam times. It is an outlet for them to relax. In fact, it is proved that children who relax through creative art ,music , sports etc perform better in academics. Music, art and sports are supposed to activate both the cerebral halves(right and left) thus aiding your logical,creative and intellectual skills. Let our children face their exams with utmost confidence pumped from us. Let us learn to love our child with their failures. Last but not the least, Let us not have expectations from our child. Let us give them unconditional love and allow them to enjoy their childhood. As long as the child is clear with the basic concepts it is fine even if he is a B grader. Sometimes children lose marks due to carelessness.

Let us help them to enjoy their academics and childhood and let us also enjoy the exam times.

P.S: The above observations are based on my surroundings. It may not be applicable everywhere and cannot be generalized.

Childhood - then & now

These days electronic and paper media is filled with news of students and young children taking extreme steps. With exam time closing in some children and parents appear stressed.

Why is this so frequent now-a-days? Was childhood different two decades back? And is it different now?

Catch the difference below as I perceive child hood of the past & now. These are my views taken from the surroundings I live and many may not subscribe to the views here and it is not applicable to everyone.

One striking difference between the childhood then and now is that we were ignorant and hence innocent.Ignorance was indeed bliss. We were not exposed to the electronic goods and media and information, neither did we have parental, peer or school pressure . We found pleasure and satisfaction in very simple things and were not shielded from difficulties.

Those days the women folk after finishing their household work would sit around and learn to knit, paint, can products like jam, juice etc., and watched Tv some times( doordarshan). They had time to prepare delicious food and serve with love to children. Men folk would return home early added to that were the presence of grandparents, uncles and aunts who formed the joint family. Children came home to a joint family where they could relate the day’s happenings and problems which destreesed them

Today some parents have their own stressed lives to deal with not just working parents even stay at home moms. No time to care and spend time with their children. They send them to many extracurricular classes after school hours so they can keep their kids busy and attend to their work. With no extended family structure to sympathize with their feelings at home, parents at work they have become latch key kids and to compensate for the time spent with kids parents indulge their children’s fancies. Result they get everything today and are not prepared for a ‘ no’ in their later lives.Infact the temple priest who does puja at our native village temple who has very little salary has 3 mobile numbers. He said he bought the Hutch(a service providing company) number since his son wanted to have the number.His son is studying only in Class IV.

Those days When it came to making/breaking with friends, Parents never interfered. They did not allow us to choose and pick a friend. We had our fights with friends,cousins and siblings. They never shielded us from our problems but they were there to guide us through out.
Today parents are vice versa. They don’t allow children to rough out their lives. They are in a protective environment. They shield them from all the difficulties, Pick fights for their children’s sake with teachers, friends and do not allow their children to sort out their differences. Result is you are not able to face life without their help.


There were schools with good infrastructure and affordable fees. Education was not business then.Teachers those days were dedicated ,inspiring and taught us in simple ways in an airy environment. The stress free teachers imparted education on black boards in a way that it registered for a long time in our memory. Along with curriculum, moral values were instilled with dedication.The spiritual classes and prayers taught in school kept us mentally saner. Parents never sat with us and pressurized us to perform. Instead they would motivate us with simple words whilst doing their own work.

Today we have designer schools from various business companies which charge astronomical fees. Parents vie with one another to admit their child in the so called branded schools which lays emphasis on hore-riding, karate, tennis, shloka chanting and what not along with curriculum. All the classes are commercialized and taught by unskilled teachers with no aptitude for teaching. Stressed teachers rushing to finish their syllabi in dingy neon-lit a/c classrooms with LCD monitors and e- boards. The child is not able to grasp the concept. Parents pressurize them to do exceptionally well and they end up in private tuitions after school hours.

To channelize their energies Kids those days played in huge play grounds in school and in the neighbourhood where they raised dust storms , got dirty and played with friends unmindful of getting hurt or breaking their bones or catching infections all under sunshine. These games kept them mentally fit and less lethargic.
Today’s children have no ground or open space to run and play . They end up playing play station and video games in their ac environment under artificial lights. No Physical exercise. Then later on parents enroll them in a good dancing class/karate class/swimming class costing them a bomb.

Kid those days had simple toys ,books and clothes. Friends would share and exchange chandamama, ACK , Sputnik and other book. They cherished them like treasure and took good care of their things. Cycling was learnt on rented cycles which was rented for 50ps/hour.
Today’s generation of kids are growing on expensive electronic games (WII, PS,DS, X- box) and books . They have access to i-pod, internet, computers, cd’s DVD’s, - all their own, nothing borrowed or from a lending library. The vanity of the new book, dress and game console vanishes in no time and then they are ambitious for the upgraded versions. Today’s children have their own branded fancy cycle and keep updating with new models every three-four years according to their parents spending capability.

For kids those days, Party meant marriages and family functions where friends and relatives would get together.
Today, there are so many parties, birthday party, pyjama party,success party, dance party,theme party. Children wear branded clothes and they don’t repeat the dress, expensive junk food, costly party favors etc.

Vacation meant visit to grand parents place, local visits and inexpensive school excursions. There was no concept of summer camps.Music and dance were learnt after school hours which helped them to concentrate in studies All skills like team work, accepting failures gracefully, values of trust, honesty and handling up and downs were learnt through playing with friends.
Today’s children end up spending their summer vacation enrolled in summer classes in a a/c room with colorfully painted walls and more sophisticated lightings housed in a bylane. They have classes from 9-5 over shooting even their regular school timings. Pizza and burgers would be served with coke for lunch.


Inspite of all the facilities and loving parents, today’s children feel so insecure due to pressures from all quarters – peer, parental and school. No one to listen to their problems, no place to play, no proper study environment, don’t know how to handle problems, no immunity against diseases, no proper healthy diet, no moral/ethical values, no control over your emotions. Sad indeed is the plight of today’s kids.

If only parents/society/ teachers were more loving and accept their children with all the flaws and understand that academic excellence is not the only way to success and let children embrace their field of choice. If they raise them to be mentally strong and accept life’s up and downs with ease and teach them how to handle pressure rather than escape from pressure. If they inculcate moral,ethical,emotional, family and spiritual values in their children and not depend only on schools to impart them. If they realize that love cannot be measured with material comforts but physical presence ,guidance and symphatetic feelings. Perhaps , many lives would not be snuffed out so early.

Seeing today's children I feel we were lucky to have the best of parenting and much less complicated life.

After all tough times don't last only tough people do.