Eversince, I quit my regular "9 to 5" job which was ages back, my well-wishers have made me feel like a pitiable character from one of those TV soaps. There have been times when I sat at home like those characters and wonder whether I work at all. This despite the fact that I worked for me and my family.
I have been bombarded with questions like "You don't work?", "Oh ok! You, freelance but why don't you work?". "Don't you feel bored?", "Oh, you sacrificed your career for motherhood?"Your studies have gone waste." and so many more in the last many years. And not just that, I have examples thrown at me like "Oh you see, there is Ms. X, Ms Y and so many more like them who balance family and career. You should'nt have quit. Work is very important for self-respect" etc.
And to all these questions my reactions vacillated between anger and amusement. My throat has gone dry explaining to them "I have not sacrificed, I am fine, doing well and truly contented, balancing my loving family and the freelancing work I heart. of course, they scoff, "Work?! what work?" Is freelancing a work?!
I have been bombarded with questions like "You don't work?", "Oh ok! You, freelance but why don't you work?". "Don't you feel bored?", "Oh, you sacrificed your career for motherhood?"Your studies have gone waste." and so many more in the last many years. And not just that, I have examples thrown at me like "Oh you see, there is Ms. X, Ms Y and so many more like them who balance family and career. You should'nt have quit. Work is very important for self-respect" etc.
And to all these questions my reactions vacillated between anger and amusement. My throat has gone dry explaining to them "I have not sacrificed, I am fine, doing well and truly contented, balancing my loving family and the freelancing work I heart. of course, they scoff, "Work?! what work?" Is freelancing a work?!
All these were then. But even after all these years, things hav'nt changed.......
Tell me, does being employed or career mean one has to tote a laptop, work in a corporate office, and work at odd hours. And does working mean only outside home? Can't one work from home? Work does'nt mean a conventional 9 to 5 job any more. Does it?
Today, there is a wide range of options and the word career or "Work" has undergone a huge shift in the last few years. The crux of the argument should be one should know to balance work and personal life and one should do what one loves without cribbing and ranting which in turn should'nt affect personal relationships.
Infact, one need not get stuck in their field of study or work in a job where they are stagnating, unless ofcourse if there is any personal compulsion. There are many examples where people have followed their heart in the past as well as present. Just imagine, if Shankar Mahadevan had not resigned from Oracle corp, would we be shuffling his songs on our ipod. There are many more in my own circle, who have taken sabbaticals, re-invented and launched themselves. One of my friend gave up her medical practice to start an investment consultancy, another who studied in a vernacular medium quit her teaching job went on to become one of the leading manager of a cosmetic brand through network marketing. Many have turned into entrepreneurs, one runs a yoga studio, another runs a library, another runs a counselling center, another is a baker. And for some what mattered was making a difference to the society. All these women quit their job so that they could work and balance a family and career in their own comfortable way.
I know outsourcing parenting is an option for many, but we wanted to be hands on parents and choose to quit our jobs. We hav'nt sacrificed any thing, we willingly quit our job and enjoyed the initial moments of our parenthood.
But who's to make them understand that these situations and choices can't be judged. What is acceptable to them may not be acceptable to me and vice versa.And now that the concept of career has a paradigm shift and there is a wide spectrum of options which were considered unconventional before, still the questions remain the same " Are you working?".
The situation has only got worse recently. Many a times, i meet a concerned well-wisher, their question to me is "Now that the children are big, what next?" and I am like "I am a freelancing grader...and i work....." and their reply to me "why don't you take up a job" and again the circle continues......
Tell me, does being employed or career mean one has to tote a laptop, work in a corporate office, and work at odd hours. And does working mean only outside home? Can't one work from home? Work does'nt mean a conventional 9 to 5 job any more. Does it?
Today, there is a wide range of options and the word career or "Work" has undergone a huge shift in the last few years. The crux of the argument should be one should know to balance work and personal life and one should do what one loves without cribbing and ranting which in turn should'nt affect personal relationships.
Infact, one need not get stuck in their field of study or work in a job where they are stagnating, unless ofcourse if there is any personal compulsion. There are many examples where people have followed their heart in the past as well as present. Just imagine, if Shankar Mahadevan had not resigned from Oracle corp, would we be shuffling his songs on our ipod. There are many more in my own circle, who have taken sabbaticals, re-invented and launched themselves. One of my friend gave up her medical practice to start an investment consultancy, another who studied in a vernacular medium quit her teaching job went on to become one of the leading manager of a cosmetic brand through network marketing. Many have turned into entrepreneurs, one runs a yoga studio, another runs a library, another runs a counselling center, another is a baker. And for some what mattered was making a difference to the society. All these women quit their job so that they could work and balance a family and career in their own comfortable way.
I know outsourcing parenting is an option for many, but we wanted to be hands on parents and choose to quit our jobs. We hav'nt sacrificed any thing, we willingly quit our job and enjoyed the initial moments of our parenthood.
But who's to make them understand that these situations and choices can't be judged. What is acceptable to them may not be acceptable to me and vice versa.And now that the concept of career has a paradigm shift and there is a wide spectrum of options which were considered unconventional before, still the questions remain the same " Are you working?".
The situation has only got worse recently. Many a times, i meet a concerned well-wisher, their question to me is "Now that the children are big, what next?" and I am like "I am a freelancing grader...and i work....." and their reply to me "why don't you take up a job" and again the circle continues......
Our country men (a vast majority) lack the respect for non-mainstream professions. Here, there is much more respect for freelancers. You are doing the best thing for your family.....every woman I know who is in a full time office job would trade with you in a heartbeat. Easier said than done, but don't care at all about the naysayers. Are you happy? Is your spouse happy? Is your family happy? do you have enough income to make you feel content? that's it....why bother offering explanations to folks who have already pre-conceived notions about these things in their mind.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying, Shachi:) but it is words like "sacrifice" "bored" that are trigger points for me. Why do they consider children as sacrifice? I just try to explain them those situations, some understand and some don't and so the cycle of explanation continues.
DeleteThere are people and there are people... You cant really stop them or change their mindsets. For most a working woman is the one who goes out of home, all the freelancing work or even entrepreneurial projects from home have no importance in their eyes! I guess, as long you are satisfied and happy, just ignore such people!
ReplyDeleteTrue, most of them think work happens only in the work cubicles of glass chrome buildings. Thank you, shilpa:)
DeleteWe can nevr be happy and live our life if we listen to such people..
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying, thank you Renu:)
DeleteJust forget about what anybody says. They know not what they say !! You are in the best position possible. Coming from another person who has an unconventional career - retirement :)
ReplyDeleteI will only push you into fulltime working if your career option is full time blogger :):)
full time blogger? Thank you so much. Much honored by those words:)
DeleteIt is very irritating when others give unsolicited advice. We must follow what our heart tells us.
ReplyDeleteyes, ma'am. It is irritating when some people in the garb of well-wishers conclude that working outside home only gives happiness. They even follow it up with comparisons. I just tell them each of us is different and can have differnt ambitions.
DeleteHi Asha,
ReplyDeleteIt's easy for me to tell you not to let others bother you when they talk like this and follow it up with unfair comparisons. Given that I am a working mom, it may not even sound sincere if I say so. But I believe that we have the right to make choices about whether to work or not, whether to believe in religion or not, whether to dress the way we do or not....those are our choices, our rights and no third person has the right to make us feel bad about those choices. I truly embrace openness as part of our Indian value system.
I want to cite an example from my own life to substantiate this:
My mom chose to stay at home and look after her family - there were people in the extended family and among family friends who looked down on this choice. Their conversations always put her down and even implied that she wasn't doing anything but being a 'dependant' and things like that. But I can proudly say that my sister and I are who we are because of the full fledged devotion, love, attention and care that our mom gave us by being there to raise us 24x7. And that gratitude and respect we have for her is perhaps more valuable to her today than all the criticism and sarcastic comments she may have had to face when she first made that choice.
Today, my sister has made a similar choice. She is a doctor by profession but she wants to provide absolute and total care to her baby before she goes out to serve the society. I respect that choice even as I made a different choice.
We look to ourselves to be happy. We can't let others dictate their whims and fancies or prejudices on our choices.
Asha, you are a warm, wonderful and genuine person. Your family is doubly blessed that you chose to be with them and for them above everything else. Trust me on this. Keep writing and stay smiling!
Awww......Thank you, dear swapna. Warmly reciprocate your last paragraph. Thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, nobody can dictate anybody. I have no issues with suggestions too swapna. The problem is judging the word "work". People assume work happens only in offices that too corporate offices and raising kids for them is a "sacrifice" and they impose choices on others.. such words have a psychological effect on the growing children.
Yes, your mom has done a lovely job, especially i know your mom's elder daughter. She is a rare gem.