Saturday, February 25, 2012

I have to think before I speak

It is his final assessment time.  After coming back from school at 2 in the noon, he  said he was going down to join his friends who were playing football. I refused to send him since it was too hot to play. He immediately turned on the TV, I told him to switch off and do something else. He then went to play games on my mobile. I wanted to discourage him from this too and wanted him to study now so that he could play in the evening, but decided not to tell him directly.


I challenged him telling that “You should’nt touch any of the electronic gadgets, so no mobiles, no comp, no tv,no ipods , no wii” and also added “ no playing football or cricket( his friends were playing downstairs) , no sleeping. Other than these, do whatever you want”.


I was smartly thinking I have closed his access to all the gadgets he had no choice but to study his school books or even the library book was fine for me. But he started bullying his sister, telling that it was not in the list I told him. I Immediately added that to the list and challenged him again and went to do my work.


I over heard my son telling My MIL what I told him and he also told her “ Yosichindriken, enna panradhu theriyalai” ( I am thinking what to do now). I thought he had no choice but pick up his book now and read.


He has a knack with assembling or solving any complex puzzle like sudoku, electronic gadget, complex lego toy or any DIY kit. He is on a high ground when it comes to technical, analytical, logical skills and its application. His weakness is his concentration especially when it comes to school curriculum and that too Hindi writing.


I soon lost track of him and was immersed in my work. There was total silence for more than 2 hours from his side, meant he had gone to sleep. At around 5 in the evening, before moving up from my chair, I called out his name which alerted him from his sleep. I went to his room and told him “ So you lost the challenge, You slept all this while ”. He said “ No ma, I was is in deep meditation”.


Another day, another instance


My son had returned back from his play time and was relating an incident to me. He was relating in too many words and I told him in my language “ Sutthi valaichi solladey” ( equivalent of Don’t beat around the bush) and I told him to be precise and concise while he relates an incident.


I also demonstrated with an example that one should touch one’s nose directly and not go around and touch the nose. He said ‘ sari, ma’( ok, ma) and went about his work.


A few days later, I was asking him about ‘Solenoid’ from his science text. He gave the answer very crisply in a few lines. I told him “You should’nt be so brief, elaborate it more”.


His answer made me drop my jaws.


He said “Amma, you keep changing your words often, anniki, sutti valaichi solladeynnu sonna, inniku you want me to tell elaborately. Not fair ma, Don’t change your words that often. It confuses me”.

I realized, I have to be specific and think before I speak especially to my son.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

'Maid'en woes

One of the major woes,  most of us in cities face is that of maid attrition.  Most of us live in nuclear families where we  juggle many tasks.  Some of  us rely on supporting service providers like maids, dhobis, car cleaners, drivers, child caretakers etc.

Healthy or unhealthy practice, I don’t know, but many of us are so dependent on  them thinking that these people make our lives less stressful, but they at times turn us into nervous wrecks.

First and foremost problem,  it is hard to find   a maid, when the demand  for them is plenty like in an multistoreyed apartment.  Then screening their antecedents for cheating, stealing etc., After all these , they have to  look decent and  clean , work without throwing any fuss or taking leave often.

 Thankfully, I’ve a servant who is clean, reliable, punctual and works  with me for the past 3 years(touché wood). My only problem is when she goes to her native place. Finding a substitute for me is a big ordeal. Actually I’m dependent on her only for sweeping, mopping, cleaning wash rooms and school uniforms  ( my son goes to play football in white dress and comes back in brown dress). She does’nt complain or sulk when she washes his shoes or clothes.

Unfortunately not many of them are fortunate, especially many of my full time working friends have a tough time. They have hired the maids from agencies.  There was this instance with my friend who was a Punjabi and who hired a maid/baby sitter  from an agency. The maid was Bengali and she could not eat the rotis  made by my Punjabi friend, so before leaving to work she  specially cooked rice for her maid. When she had no time to cook rice, she gave rotis for her. She sulked and complained to the agency that she would’nt work in a house which served rotis for her. All these when she was’nt even sure at work that the baby sitter was taking proper care of her 2 year old, because her baby  once broke his nose when he fell from the cot while his baby sitter was on a phone call and she had to rush home from work.

Another friend who had brought a cook and a maid from a destitute home from her home town Cuttack was slapped by her cook with whom she already had a cold war. YES, YES, you read it right. the cook slapped her employer.

 The reason for the slap - My friend had asked her cook why she had’nt made the regular mashed potatoes for her 3 year old. The cook replied ‘No stock’.   My angry friend retorted back telling she should have atleast informed her and in return she got slapped and told her it is not her duty to keep stock of the pantry. My friend did  the next best thing. Put her on a flight back home. When I asked her why she wasted  money on flight, she said the trains were booked and  she wanted the cook to leave as early as possible, as seeing her face would only escalate her BP.  She  had employed her since she was a divorced woman and had been recommended by her parents. In return she was slapped.


Well if these are some special case with full time maids, part time are no different. Many of my friends who depend on them for most chores like chopping vegetables, dusting, atta kneading ,folding clothes etc., their life comes to a standstill when the maids go on unannounced holiday to watch chiranjeevi’s first day first show movie or for chit parties( like kitty parties).

Today , It is easy to attend an interview and get placed in a company, but their queries have to be answered  politely, patiently and with a permanent smile plastered on your face.

The questions they ask us before being placed is:

Why did the old 'bhai' leave?

Ghar me kitney log hain?( How many members in the family) How is this relevant to sweeping and mopping, I still don’t know, but my friend answered one and half, meaning she and her 12 year old daughter , while her husband is mostly on tour)

Bartan kitney girenge?( fair enough, more vessels means more work)

Kapdey sukhana ke liye washing machine or hum ko hi karna padega?
( meaning should we wring the clothes for drying or will you put in spinner)

Nalgaru unnara? ledu amma, naku  iddaru  vunda illu kavala( 4 Persons? No madam, I work only in houses where there are couples. There will be less work in retired couple’s house or newly married  couple’s  or working couples house.  Their validation for this, bacchon ki ghar mein bahut kaam hota hain.  ( what do we parents with children do? of course, shell out extra money)

After  passing the interview, when they are hired and  start working, comes the attrition problem, where the maids turn their priorities towards some new families which have shifted  into the complex and offer more to work and give in kind, free ride in cars to markets, outings, advance etc.,

It takes lot of tact to retain a maid.

All these reminds me of my Grandparents maid Amirtham  in Mylapore, Chennai. She worked for nearly 45 years. Due to old age, when she could’nt work any more she was given monthly pension by my grandparents. There is not a person in our extended family who does not know Amirtham and they enquire about her to this day even after 5 years of her passing over.

They don’t come like her any more/ they are very rare.

Ofcourse,  it is also important to treat them well.  Take my maid for instance, she was offered more money to work in  a house. She worked for just a week there and refused to work there any more.  When the lady questioned , why she was'nt reporting, the answer she got  was a simple  ‘Naccha ledu’( did’nt like). They can choose, not us.

Earning wise, I would’nt be surprised If one day they become tax payers, especially in my complex , my dhobi walla comes with ipods plugged in his ears and a trendier mobile phone. When questioned why he does’nt come and pick clothes regularly. “Bahut kaam hai, madam. Timeich nahin hain”.
They even advise us to wear synthetic clothes , since cotton clothes requires to be pressed.

My maid took two months leave because she was constructing a house in her native.

I can keep on adding to this list about the car driver who sends SMS at the last minute,stating he would’nt report to work that day or about the car cleaner who absents for 4 days and talks about labour laws or about the child’s caretaker who keeps talking to other maids in the park while the child she is supposed to take care of is rolling the feeding bottle in the sand pit and then popping it into his mouth and the list will go on. 
  
All the above woes are the reason why I stopped delegating work( except cleaning because of my spondylitis) , I would rather do my own work  and depend less on these people. Now I have to juggle between  house hold chores, cooking, shopping, parenting, freelancing,  fitness routine etc.,

No leisure. I've bargained it for some mental peace.